yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
