READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i think my cat just said my name.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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