to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
