Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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