You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
