so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
