: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He kissed a someone with a penis
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
