Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
