you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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