Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
