his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want to make out with him forever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
