No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize