i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
