i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I believe in your delicious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
