bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
