DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So much rum. So many feels.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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