Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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