Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
