Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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