why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
