Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
