The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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