if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just want nice things and good sex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
