I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
