I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's just so happy...and so naked.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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