I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
