I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
