She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he thought i was a dude.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
