dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
