dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
