you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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