Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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