I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I love you.
Bad choice
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
