You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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