My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
