I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
