I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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