First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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