God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
