you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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