are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
