i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
