what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
