Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
