If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
