Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
