I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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