I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
