Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
