direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
