now i know why i became what i already was.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
